I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
