That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's always time for handjobs
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
