He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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