tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
