Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
