I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
