i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
