Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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