Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
