Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
