this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
