So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
