Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
