When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
