wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
