Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
