did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
