I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
