4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
