dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
