Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
