I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
