I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
