Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
