He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
