Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
