PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
