So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
