This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
