i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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