I just threw up on my dentist
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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