genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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