How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
