i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
