Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just blew my weed a kiss
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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