I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
