I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
