You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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