Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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