I cannot find my penis.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
