What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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