she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
