Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
