omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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