We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
