So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
