Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
