"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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