Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
