Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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