A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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