nutella sex= disaster
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
