I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
