How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
