My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
