Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
