Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
