I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
