took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am naked and annoyed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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