he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
