I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You need a sexual gate keeper
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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