I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
