Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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