I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
