Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
