Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
